Your spouse comes first.
It's very common for kids to become our complete focus once they are a part of our family and it feels natural to do so. I mean they demand a lot of attention. They need us to clothe, feed, bath them, make sure they brush their teeth, etc. So by the end of the day, it's hard to find the energy to spend time with your husband. But if you really truly want what's best for your kids, then your husband will remain your first love.
I want to clarify that this isn't a matter of loving your husband more than your kids. It's not a competition for your heart. You don't have to choose between your spouse and your children. The love you feel and express for your kids is a totally different love than the one your express for your husband. The point is not to forget your husband in the daily rhythms of life. Remember, he is the reason you have the life your do now. Without him, your wouldn't have your children. But some day your children will grow up and leave home. You don't want your life to become so centered around your kids that on that day you wake up and realize you don't know each other any more.
Making your marriage a priority makes for a happy home. Kids are more perceptive than we give them credit for. Even very young children can pick up on tension or ambivalence that is present in marriage. But this sensitivity also means that when their parents have an affectionate, loving relationship, they recognize that as well. The mood of your marriage sets the mood of the house. When children know that their parents love each other and enjoy being together, it gives them a great sense of security. There is so much stress in our daily lives for us and our kids. Home should be the place we look forward to being. It should be a place of refuge for you, your spouse, and your kids. But if your marriage is in a rough patch, then no one is happy. It's up to you and your spouse to set the temperature of your home.
Though it seems a little counterintuitive, loving your spouse to the best of your ability makes it possible for you to love your children to the best of your ability.
In other posts, I will share some of the ways my husband and I rock our marriage. (Seriously, we have an awesome marriage!) But for now, I just want to encourage you not to forget your husband. He needs you more than you know.
If you are just itching to improve your marriage and looking for some good advice, check out my "Good Reads" recommendations in this post.
Many blessings on you and your family!
His Needs Her Needs is a very powerful book written by Willard F. Harley, Jr. to help couples identify each other's most common needs and to encourage them to invest in developing their relationship by committing to fulfill one another's needs daily... read more.
Love & Respect. Research reveals that during marital conflict a husband most often reacts when feeling disrespected and a wife reacts when feeling unloved. We asked 7,000 people this qu_estion: when you are in a conflict with your spouse or significant other, do you feel unloved or disrespected? 83% of the men said "disrespected." 72% of the women said, "unloved." Though we all need love and respect equally, the felt need differs during conflict, and this difference is as different as pink is from blue... read more.
For Women Only. In her landmark bestseller, For Women Only, Shaunti Feldhahn reveals what every woman—single or married—needs to know. Based on rigorous research with thousands of men, Shaunti delivers one eye-opening revelation after another, including: • Why your respect means more to him than your love. • How he feels deep inside about his role as provider. • What it means for a man to be so visually “wired.” • Why sex for him is primarily emotional, not physical. • What he most wishes he could say to you... read more.
For Men Only. In their groundbreaking classic, For Men Only, Jeff and Shaunti Feldhahn reveal the eye-opening truths and simple acts that will radically improve your relationship with the woman you love... read more.
The 5 Love Languages. Marriage should be based on love, right? But does it seem as though you and your spouse are speaking two different languages? New York Time bestselling author Dr. Gary Chapman guides couples in identifying, understanding, and speaking their spouse's primary love language - quality time, words of affirmation, gifts, acts of service, or physical touch... more information.