Like a Child

A few months ago, I noticed Caitlin's eyes were doing something strange. She would look forward and, while her right eye remained straight, her left eye would drift inward. At first I thought she had picked a new ability to move one eye but not the other. As the day continued, however, I realized that wasn't the case. Thanks to a google search, we determined that it was very likely that she had accomodative esotropia (lazy eye). We decided to set up a doctor's appointment as soon as possible. 

God was gracious to open the door for us to get her to an ophthalmologist at Children's Hospital the very next day. We were so grateful for this as the next available appointment was three weeks later. Having to wait so long to have her seen by a doctor while knowing something is wrong would have been excruciating. 

We had the appointment and our theory was confirmed. Caitlin did have accomodative esotropia, but we caught it early enough that the doctor felt glasses alone might correct the problem. We may not even need to do eye patching. We just had to keep our very active three year old in glasses full-time. That was good news, but we were still worried... 

What if she refused to wear her glasses? What if she needed corrective eye surgery one day? What if we hadn't discovered this and she had gone blind in her left eye? Worries, worries, and more worries. 

As all these thoughts are running through my mind I ask the doctor a question. Caitlin had just had her eyes dilated and the effects wouldn't wear off for another 24 hours. I asked if having her eyes dilated was going to bother Caitlin the next day. Her answer forever altered my perception on worry. 

She said, "We can either choose to worry, or choose to have fun. Kids will always choose to have fun." 

I thought that maybe this is what it means to have faith like a child. Trusting God whole-heartedly and taking him at his word when He says He loves us. Believing that He will take care of us (Matthew 6:25-27). Choosing, not to worry, but to enjoy life.

Most of the time, I act way too grown-up. I can relate to Picasso's when he says,  
“It took me four years to paint like Raphael, but a lifetime to paint like a child.” 
Some have called me an "old soul" and my family has joked that I was "born an adult." When I was a teenager, I took pride in this - glad that I was mature for my age. But as an adult, I realize that I think too hard and worry too much. 


Now I endeavor to be like a child. My kids teach me what true joy looks like, and I want to be more like them. Like Picasso, I feel it may take me a lifetime to get there. But I want to grow younger everyday. 

---